There is ugliness in beauty.

There is ugliness in beauty.

Look deeper into their eyes.

You’ll see their scars surface on their face, arms and mouth.

Their tongue building the barricade around their ugly heart.

Their hands covering the face of their intentions.

Their eyes looking away from the grief in the others pair.

 

There is ugliness in beauty.

The way they stride down the corridors with grace,

With their hearts being eaten alive by their self-worship.

Their breathing fastening as the world traps them in a naked box.

Their confusion masked with the Oscar-winning smile.

 

There is ugliness in beauty.

Their intentions controlled by the ones around them.

Their eyes blinded by the flashes and the money.

Their humanity shoved out of their rectum.

Their rights chuckling from backstage.

Their fear controlled by the media.

 

There is ugliness in beauty.

The flaws of beauty.

The engraving pain of beauty.

 

Their heart buried deep within, screaming, scratching to let out.

But they wouldn’t let it, or else everything will come crumbling down.

 

No one will care for the beauty of the heart that they will show.

They only care for the beauty is that pleases the eye.

 

Screenshot 2018-12-26 at 6.44.18 PM

lizoni/tumblr:credit

 

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What is wrong with me?

stuck

 

 

People tell me I’m too selfish.

Whilst, People tell me I’m too selfless.

People tell me that I’m always prepping the steak in my head.

Whilst, People tell me to be faster.

People tell me that I will never be good enough.

Whilst, People are there patting my back with their chins high when I carry the trophy,

“Oh! She always had it in her.”

People tell me to open up more.

Whilst, People tell me to shut my needy mouth.

People tell me that I’m manipulative.

Whilst, People tell me that I’m too innocent to hurt a fly.

 

People tell me that I should give up on my dreams,

And the other agrees.

People tell me that I’m destroying everything I touch,

Whilst the other tells me that I put life in everything I touch.

 

What will I be,

a Destroyer?

a Lifer?

or Someone Whose Identity Is Built By Others?

 

 

 

What was I thinking.

thoughts.png

What was I thinking?

That I would finally fit in,

That I won’t be a laughing stock anymore,

That I would smile cheek to cheek and sit high.

 

What had I turn my mind into,

Suffocating in the thick fog of loneliness,

I had started hallucinating, feeding myself with lies.

 

What should I do?

Should I let regret flow through my veins,

Or let the Mercy assure me that something better is coming.

 

Why should I lie to myself again?

I’ll just be stabbed again,

With a knife laced with innocence.

Who is The Victim?

scars

Everyone loves to point a finger at me when something goes wrong.

Let me tell you a story about selfish humans who were so blinded by their wants that they destroyed my way of life;

  • take the girl who I thought was the one, but she was just like everyone else. Petty, Selfish, Loatheful. She broke down in front of the world and accused me. I was astonished, I was scared, I was quiet, these are my regrets. That girl deserved a good earful but I didn’t, because the feeling of betrayal left me numb.
  • take the girl who would do anything for fame. Lie in the face of her loved ones, play with people’s emotions and cradle the ones with power. She was quick to blame someone else for the card she was trying to pull. She was quick to hide her hideous self with the masks she carried. Thankfully, I cut her off quickly before she could do me any harm.
  • take the girl who abuses the power of the mentally ill. Someone who would laugh in death’s face. Someone who only looked for benefits. Someone who never stayed in one place. These are the type of people my mother told me to stay away from. Unfortunately, I was stuck in her webs and I was her next prey. But, I had untangled myself quickly and ran away from her claws.

 

Now, I carry the scars they had left me. But I’m still moving forward, towards hopefully something nice.

 

 

Talk more.

 

yes.png

People tell me to talk more. But as soon as I open my mouth, they shun me with their words.

You think you have it worse? We all do. Get used to it.”

I get it, I get that everyone has it worse, I get it someone out there has it worse than me.

But that does not mean that I cannot express my struggles.

Your words should not restrict me from expressing my cries.

This is my life, these are my struggles. I carry them, not you.

So what do you know about my struggles?

 

The Wonder of Life

#100dayscreativewritingchallenge

 

Thinking of the future clouds my thoughts in a suffocating smoke.

Thinking about my past makes my thoughts leap into an anxious state.

Thinking about the present brings an uncertain calm in my thoughts and body.

Our time on this world is limited so do not get attached to its wonders.

We are only visitors who are struggling through our trials to our final destination.

The world’s riches will forever be attached to the universe’s string.

And it will be passed on and on and on to different beings.

Remember, we are only souls stuck in a time-limited body drifting above the soil.

So do not let its wonders trap you in your desires.

But if it does back you up in the corner,

Remember that you will be under the soil you are standing on at any minute.

 

Isak’s sacrifice

#DAY100CREATIVEWRITINGCHALLENGE

DAY 1 THEME: ROCKET SHIP

 

 

 

 

The ship soared through the sky, it rattled and stuttered as it moved towards the abyss of space.

Bella sat inside with her hands clasped together and her eyes shut tightly as prayers of safety slipped out of her mouth. The ship seemed like it was about to rip apart any second until the thrusters stuttered off.

Enroute to the Jakanis Kingdom – 10 hours 15 minutes

Oxygen level – sustained

The system’s voice filled Bella’s ears as her half-opened eyes burned with tears. But before she could mourn for her brother’s death, a strong feeling of nausea hit her which made her head swing back to the seat.

She clumsily unbuckled herself and planted her feet on to the ship’s cold ground. With closed eyes, she let her hands and memory lead her to the washroom. Exiting the mainframe and stumbling upon the hallway, she slowly opened her eyes and looked for any sign of life that might have gotten on board with her.

She hoped to find her brother at the end of the hallway, grinning at her with his sharp canine teeth and telling her how much he had it all under control.

But instead, Bella was met with an abandoned hallway. Her nausea slipped away as she steadied herself with one hand on the wall. She glanced at the small window next to her to see Earth, her homeland, in flames.

And she was the only hope. To bring the only kind that could destroy the Hayus, a kind blinded by power and blood. They had stumbled upon Earth thirty years ago and decided to claim it like they did to other planets.  Of course, humans were quick to surrender, the human army stood with their mouth agape when they saw the nuclear weapons that the foreign kind carried.

But humans were stubborn creatures and did not like to stay in other people’s commands. After the death toll for humans raised. They took action and attacked the Hayus fortress that they built in Greece.

The Hayus laughed and launched their missiles, their special forces, everything and anything that could detect humans and kill them. The war began, the majority of humans scurried away whilst some held their heart and fought, only to be met by their end.

Bella’s brother was a mechanic who worked with his friends to detect any other wavelengths from space, any other sign that other beings too exist.

He stole pieces of equipment from the army. He spent years building a ship that was found in the junkyard, in the hopes of getting out of this hellhole. And one day, one of his friends came back with a piece of good news.

The Jakanis Kingdom,

Defender of the Order,

To keep the universe safe

And it’s beings.

Bella did not know where her brother’s friend got this information from. But she could remember her brother’s twinkled eyes and his hands working faster to finish the ship. To find and locate the Jakanis and not ask but to beg for their help.

The ship was almost done, her brother and his friends came together with supplies and started to locate the exact coordinates of the Jakanis Kingdom.

Until the officials of the area found out. Morning came and they came marching towards the ship where we resided. A man burst in and told us the news. My brother’s friends picked up their stuff and hurriedly left.

It was a stupid idea Isak, there is no saving our kind. We are suffering from our ancestor’s mistakes.

And with that, they left.

Her heart thumped as the picture of a whole army of Hayus marching towards them made her crawl out of her skin.

“Brother, we should go!” she screamed and scratched at him but he didn’t budge. He was in the mainframe, messing with the digits.

“Brother, there is no hope!” she cried with frustration but he held her  shoulders and looked her in the eyes, “There is always hope Bella!.”

And within minutes, the Hayus footsteps shook the Ship’s floor. Bella crept towards the window and saw their distant shadows.

Isak was still pressing random digits. Bella held her head with her hands and it became hard for her to breath.

They could die.

Their legacy would end.

Just for a ship? Just for the hope of finding peace again?

Suddenly, the ship roared to life. Bella squealed and clamped to the chair closest to her. “They are coming!” She informed Isak who was too busy behind the computers.

Finally, the army came into view. With their masks that had no face, with their chests out proud and their weapons clutched closely.  Bella gripped the arms and glanced at her brother who was also looking forward. His nose scrunched and he glanced back at his sister.

“Bella.” He said soothingly with a calm expression whilst Bella held the opposite. “Darling buckle yourself.” He said walking towards her. Bella’s eyes quickly glanced at how close the army was and to her brother who held a grin.

“Bella, you  believe in me, right?” He asked, patting her head.

“Of course! I always did but we need to-” Before she could finish, her brother strapped her body to the chair and shot a glare towards the army that now stood beneath the hovering ship.

“Don’t let my death be in vain.” He said, staring down at her with a saddened expression. He quickly turned her back to her  and rushed out of the mainframe

She shut her eyes and yelled and thrashed, telling her brother not to leave her but her words were jumbled up with her cries.

Take off in T-minus 5 seconds.

 

She slammed open her eyes to see her brother with his hood up, marching towards the army.

5

4

The Hayus bent down and aimed their weapons at his chest. He held his hands up but they did not move their aim.

3

2

They pulled the trigger and the blinding white flash hit her brother’s chest as he collapsed on the floor.

1

0

Commencing lift off

Bella covered her mouth and screamed. The Hayus stomped over her brother’s body and aimed at the ship that was now speeding towards the sky.

And now there she was, far away from Earth, her home and her brother. The ship drifted away from Earth,  towards the exit of the system

Bella clutched her sweater as the computer that spoke in her brother’s voice boomed in her ears.

“Bella, you believe in me right?”